Why I Am (Pro) Against Cry-It-Out Method - 6 Reasons

We - parents- are all human beings. Even the most patient and attached parents can reach the point when they are ready to throw themselves out of the window because of "sleep-deprivation-induced insanity". As you know by now (if you have read the About Us page, we have 2 kids. For both of them, on different times, we dealt with some night waking issues (more with the second one - Arel). With our first baby - Akay, we thought to use 'cry-it-out' method. Not only thought, but tried, too for 5 minutes only once. And then decided it is not natural - no good for anybody, felt so bad about it and never tried again.

If you are having issues with your baby's sleep; you must think that the sleep issues would soon resolve themselves - in the meantime you must be doing all that you can ensure you get enough rest to be able to cope with your baby's night time needs. I am very glad that we stuck to our principles and refused to train him with cry-it-out method.

After dealing with 2 boys' sleep issues in different time periods, now I feel that I can really put into words the reasons why I don't subscribe to this night-time baby training business - and here they are.
(A note - dealing with night waking is NOT EASY. I know that. I was one of those people who needed sleep, and having two children who didn't (and don't) seem to need much has been difficult. I've been there. I am not saying that we should all happily jump out of our beds a dozen times a night to put our babies back to sleep, and I am all for gentle ways to encourage our babies to sleep better when they are ready. What I am not, and never will be down with is leaving the children alone to 'teach themselves to sleep' systematic and prolonged)

Let me list my reasons for being pro-against cry-it-out method:

1 - Sleep Training (cry-it-out) is Not Fair
This may get some people's backs up but quite frankly, this is how I think. I don't care how you try to explain; leaving the little babies to cry by themselves in a dark room is not fair! Most of them aren't crying because they are 'frustrated due to learning to fall asleep alone'. They DEFINITELY aren't crying because they are little manipulators. The babies are crying just because they need the comfort and love of a parent, and that need is as real and as valid as their need for food.

Babies don't understand that their mommy is exhausted and needs sleep - all they understand are the overwhelming feelings of need; of emotional pain and longing. We - as parents - may know that our babies are safe in their rooms, but they do not know this. Their instincts are telling them that they are alone and in great danger.

2 - Sleep Training (cry-it-out) Doesn't Work Long-Term
Using sleep-training methods are short-term solutions. With most babies they do 'work' (if you can call this 'work'!), In that within a few nights the baby will probably be sleeping alone and for longer stretches. But when baby gets sick (or teething) or when the family takes a holiday somewhere; all the routine gets messed up. The parents will have to do the whole terrible process all over again. Children, who have learnt proper sleep habits whenever they are ready, will be much more capable of changing the routine without much chaos.

3 - Sleep Training (cry-it-out) Is Dangerous
When a child cries, the body releases cortisol to help the child deal with the stress. The rush of cortisol creates a fight-or-flight response in the body, putting the child under a lot of emotional and physical strain. Being in this situation over and over can be very damaging. Research suggests that children who have been conditioned to high levels of cortisol may be more prone to aggression later in life. It definitely makes sense to me.

In addition to this, it must be noted that sleep lightly and for short periods is normal for babies (It is thought that the baby being in too deep a sleep, unable to rouse herself when experiencing a normal episode of apnea, may cause some SIDS deaths). Sleep training teaches babies to sleep for long periods of time, and - for me - this is not natural. It is better to find ways to manage the lack of sleep than trying to change what is natural and normal behavior for the baby (the simplest way is taking shifts with husband / boyfriend / partner etc.)

4 - You Risk Losing Your Baby's Trust
Your baby relies on you for everything. S/he is small, helpless little creature. The trust that s/he has for you is a precious gift, given to you when you give birth to her/him. Your baby believes that you will be there for her/him unconditionally, so when you refuse to parent her/him in the same way at night as you do in the daytime - answering their cries, cuddling when s/he is sad, feeding him/her when s/he is hungry - s/he becomes confused. I personally refuse to risk breaking that bond of trust that is formed at birth.

5 - Sleep Training (cry-it-out) has Negative Effects on Breastfeeding
If a mommy is nursing her baby, it is especially important that she feeds often at night. The levels of prolactin (the hormone which is responsible for milk production) are higher at night time. Especially for younger babies).

Over the age of 6 months, and once the baby has an interest in solid foods, feeding at night is still very important. Babies' brains are very busy especially during the first months / years; as a result they may not spend as much time at the breast in the daytime as they need to in order to get what they need (because of losing the attention all the time). So, they try to make up for it at night. It's called "Reverse Cycling", and it's completely normal at this age. By sleep training you refuse to feed them during the night, and they won't be able to have necessary nutrients, even if they appear to 'tank up' during the day. Breast milk cannot be quantified, so there is no way of telling if they've had 'enough'.

6 - Sleep Training (cry-it-out) Harms Your Connection with Your Child
The bond between mother and child is natural, but it also needs to be supported - day AND NIGHT. Continued abandonment at night will help erode that connection you work so hard to create and maintain during the day time.